Bad Day again

I seem to have more bad days than good right now. I feel like vomitting every second of every day. My immunosupressant keeps ulcers in my mouth, throat, esophagus, stomach. I have been hurting in my bones, not the joints, the big bones in my legs. Days like today I wonder if I will beat this thing or if it will beat me. Am I gonna die? Sometimes I think it would be better than living this way. I know SLE affects everyone differently, but there has to be someone out there that is experiencing the same aeverity as myself. I am at a point where I think maybe I need new doctors. Could another doctor do more than this one? While I know this is my third doc in ten years, and I know no one did anything different than the last, I still have to say Isn't there anything else out there that would work better? I am to a point where all I feel like eating is crackers yet I am still swollen. I haven't lost the weight. The weight I put on from the solumedrol and prednisone. I thought the meds were making me SICKER, so I went 9 days without them and my neck swells up and freaks out all my doctors. So I have to have the medicine or I WILL DIE! But I can't help but wonder IS the meds just prolonging my death by a year or two? This can't be all that I am. There has to be more. And if there is not, then I don't want to live....
Sent via BlackBerry by AT&T