Another year has come and gone....

Merry Christmas to those who read this.  It has been quite a while since my last blog. i had a fairly decent summer. Best 3 months i have had in almost 3 years.  The Lupus is still active. i have periods of "flares" that are worse than normal, but my disease still has not went into remission.  I keep wondering if this is as good as its ever gonna get.  I am tired of the shots, the IV's, all of it. I had to have knee surgery in October and i had to take a break from the shots. I still cant seem to force myself to take a shot every 5 days.  Between that and stress, that could be why i have been in a flare for the past 6 weeks or longer.  Do you ever just get to the point though that you think the side affects of the drugs are worse than the disease itself???  God knows I do!

With Christmas coming up, it makes me refelect and look back on the last year.  It seems i have been in a stall pattern for a while.  Like I am just trying to survive. And as I have done this, my children have gotten a year older. Gotten a year closer to graduating high school. I dont want to just survive anymore. I want to live. Or at least feel like i am living and enjoying life! But how do those of us who have an aggressive form of SLE do that?     I think maybe because my summer went ok, almost wonderfully, it gave me a taste of what i have been missing.  Why cant it be like that all the time?  The best Christmas present anyone could give me is normalcy.  I almost feel like the Lion and the tin man from the Wizard of Oz. LoL  I keep waiting for God to show me what it is I am supposed to learn from having this disease, what I am supposed to do to make something positive come out of it.

Well, thats enough self pity and reflection for a while. Thanks for listening and i hope you have a truly wonderful Christmas!!!